Lucidious - Vanity

One thing that I do is try to control everything inside my life
It never works, look at the trouble that it brings
Look at the pain that I have caused all this destruction wasn't worth it
Look at all that I created, I don't know my greater purpose

I ain't mad at anyone 'cause I'm the reason it ain't working
Yeah, it took a couple years for me to learn that we ain't perfect
Had to, lose all my family
And most of my sanity

Can't fit in humanity
Damn I lost all my clarity
It's actually amazing I've made it as far as this
Thought that I would feel completed after all of these hits

But I'm in my room, just clenching my fists and losing my grip
It was all about the passion now it's money and spliffs
So who got this, who got that
Judging value with gifts

I had a crew, where they at
Many people have split
Maybe it's normal to grow up and slowly distance apart
But I'm not good at saying bye from ones I loved at the start

I find some comfort knowing that we both look up at the stars
I had to let go of the hate 'cause it was killing my heart
My grandfather died of cancer, wonder how I'll depart
I think about it way too much, so I'm afraid of the dark

In the same moment, I can see all of this beauty in front of me
Feeling grateful that I even have you all in my company
If enough ends up being the last record I make
Carry it knowing that I gave it all I had in this place

I've seen a lot that I don't speak of I pretend it don't exist
Checking boxes that don't matter on a fabricated list
Why you asking where I been my answers I been building this
I was drowning in emotion, so I had to build a ship

I'll be thirty in a year or two
Seeking out a clearer view
But every day that's passing by, I feel like death is nearing too
Like hey, haven't seen you in a minute you look older now

I'm still the person that I was, I'm just a little colder now
Preacher looking at me, I don't think he wants to mess with this
Christians saying one thing, but that goes against the Methodists
Searching what the method is

I know it's not a pessimist
Just respect a human as a human and don't question it
That's a universal law that's been written in stone
But we carry negativity that started in our homes

If this reaches you in time, I'm asking what you plan to be
And what you see when you get stripped away of all your vanity